Can You Love Again After Infidelity?


Trust is a word that comes with a great many meanings. But in the bond of marriage, trust perhaps finds its most sacred meaning of them all. It makes-up the very core of that special love union between two spiritually and emotionally connected individuals. A 2012 study conducted by the Pakistan Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology that focused on the factors leading to a happily married life, reaffirmed this understanding that “[t]rust is [an] important ingredient of happy marriage,” because “[t]rusting your partner’s loyalty allows both spouses to be [at] peace.” [1] That is until a crack in that trust bond finds its way into a once solid foundation. And whether it’s the result of infidelity, emotional neglect, or physical or verbal abuse, once the trust bond has been breached, the feelings of being ‘in love’ starts a quick and steady decline. That is because those “in love” feelings are built on the belief that this other person loves you. Infidelity puts a crack in that belief.



Unhappy Sad Black Couple Arguing During Dinner



But do lost feelings come back? Is it possible to find love after infidelity? How do you love someone again after losing feelings for them?

Anyone that’s ever been touched by the pain of breached trust in a marriage or relationship, has, at some point or another, asked themselves some or even all these very same questions. Well, the answer to that can only be found in your personal willingness to restore your marriage. And if you are willing to do that, then the answer is yes. Lost feelings can come back. You absolutely can fall ‘in love’ again with your spouse. But the process is not a quick one. It’s one in which you and your spouse should both be committed to.

One online article published by titled How to Rebuild Trust After a Betrayal suggests that couples faced with such a situation should start by first “[c]onsider[ing] the reason behind the lie or betrayal.” [1] “Maybe the betrayal of trust resulted from a miscommunication or misunderstanding,” or maybe your partner no longer felt connected emotionally. Regardless of the reasoning, after it’s been made clear and understood by both parties that the breach of trust that took place was not okay, the effort back to wholeness must be a joint effort. A process in which you and your spouse or partner are totally invested in. That process will vary from couple to couple. It might include marriage counseling, time apart from each other to clear up any lingering tension, purposeful activities designed to build back trust, or whatever else you and your partner feel like is right for your process back to feelings of love. But just remember, . . . “[l]ove is patient, love is kind . . . it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” [2] So, once you’ve decided to burry the hatchet and move forward, do it with these principles of love in mind.

Excited black happy couple celebrating good news in kitchen, reading mail letter

If you would like to rebuild your marriage after a breach in trust, attend my upcoming Sizzling Hot Marriage Virtual Romance Recovery Retreat where, over three days, I will help you develop a personalized map to recover your romance. 

Picture of Joe Follette, Jr., M.Div., M.S., LMFT

Joe Follette, Jr., M.Div., M.S., LMFT

Joe Follette, Jr., a licensed marriage and family therapist with over 25 years of experience, founded Lifestyle Therapy & Coaching in Huntsville, Alabama. He combines his background as a former pastor with his therapeutic expertise to help adults achieve fulfilling marriages. He works with individuals, couples, families, and more. He offers virtual therapy with programs and courses designed to treat specific challnges. Pick up a copy of his free book, "Don't Give Up On Love," to become a better you in your relationships. Joe is known for his positivity, warm personality, and commitment to helping clients live their best lives. Book a free 15-minute Clarity Call with Joe to begin your journey to healing and growth.

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