Could Your Partner Have ASD? A Self-Assessment Checklist for Spouses

6.3 Couple arguing over tea

If you suspect that your partner might have Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), it’s essential to approach this topic with care and understanding. While this self-assessment checklist can provide some insight, please remember that it is not a diagnostic tool. It’s meant to help you better understand your partner’s behavior and your own experiences in your relationship.

ASD Self-Assessment Checklist:

Below are a series of statements to assess both your partner’s behavior and your own experiences in the relationship. Check the items that apply.

For your partner:

  1. _ They have difficulty understanding non-verbal cues during conversations.
  2. _ They find it challenging to grasp social norms or unspoken rules.
  3. _ Routines are highly important to them, and disruptions cause distress.
  4. _ They have one or a few intense interests that they are passionate about.
  5. _ They struggle to empathize or see other perspectives.
  6. _ They often miss sarcasm or jokes in conversations.
  7. _ Bright lights, loud noises, or certain textures bother them more than they seem to bother others.
  8. _ They tend to take things very literally and have trouble with abstract concepts.
  9. _ Maintaining eye contact during conversations is difficult for them.
  10. _ They prefer to talk about their interests, sometimes dominating the conversation.
  11. _ They often seem socially isolated or misunderstood.
  12. _ Small talk or casual conversations appear meaningless or challenging to them.

For yourself:

  1. _ I find it challenging to connect emotionally with my partner.
  2. _ I sometimes feel like my partner doesn’t understand my feelings or perspective.
  3. _ I’ve noticed that certain behaviors or habits in my partner consistently confuse or frustrate me.
  4. _ I often feel like I’m the one who has to adapt or compromise in our relationship.
  5. _ Conversations with my partner sometimes feel one-sided, with them doing most of the talking.
  6. _ I’ve found that our relationship struggles to adapt to change or disruptions.
  7. _ I’ve experienced stress or frustration in trying to communicate effectively with my partner.
  8. _ I feel like I need more emotional connection and reciprocity in our relationship.

Results Grid:

Count the number of items checked for your partner and for yourself in the respective sections.

For your partner:

  • 0-4 items checked: Suggests a low alignment with ASD traits.
  • 5-8 items checked: Indicates a moderate alignment with some ASD traits.
  • 9-12 items checked: Suggests a strong alignment with ASD traits.

For yourself:

  • 0-4 items checked: Suggests a lower impact of your partner’s traits on your experiences.
  • 5-8 items checked: Indicates a moderate impact, with some challenges in the relationship.
  • 9-12 items checked: Suggests a significant impact of your partner’s traits on your experiences.

Discussing with Your Partner:

  1. Choose the Right Time: Find a quiet, calm moment to discuss your concerns with your partner.
  2. Be Gentle and Supportive: Express your observations and feelings without judgment or blame.
  3. Use “I” Statements: Share how their behavior makes you feel and how it impacts the relationship.
  4. Listen Actively: Encourage your partner to share their perspective and feelings as well.
  5. Offer Support: Let your partner know that you are there for them, regardless of the outcome.

Discussing the possibility of ASD with your partner can be a sensitive and important conversation. Remember that this checklist is not a definitive diagnosis but a starting point for understanding your partner and your relationship better. Seeking professional evaluation and support, if necessary, can be a helpful next step in your journey toward better mutual understanding and a stronger relationship.

To learn more about what steps to take if you suspect that you or your partner may have Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), please click on the following link to our next article: What to Do If You Suspect You or Your Partner Has ASD. Understanding and addressing ASD can be a transformative journey for your relationship, and this article will provide you with valuable insights and guidance.

Take the first step towards a healthier, more fulfilling marriage today! If you’re experiencing challenges in your relationship and suspect that an assessment could provide clarity and guidance, don’t hesitate. Visit to schedule your assessment now. Invest in your relationship, nurture your love, and embark on a journey toward a Sizzling Hot Marriage. Your future together can be brighter, starting with this simple step. Don’t wait; take action today!

See the full list of posts on ASD in marriage.

Picture of Joe Follette, Jr., M.Div., M.S., LMFT

Joe Follette, Jr., M.Div., M.S., LMFT

Joe Follette, Jr., a licensed marriage and family therapist with over 25 years of experience, founded Lifestyle Therapy & Coaching in Huntsville, Alabama. He combines his background as a former pastor with his therapeutic expertise to help adults achieve fulfilling marriages. He works with individuals, couples, families, and more. He offers virtual therapy with programs and courses designed to treat specific challnges. Pick up a copy of his free book, "Don't Give Up On Love," to become a better you in your relationships. Joe is known for his positivity, warm personality, and commitment to helping clients live their best lives. Book a free 15-minute Clarity Call with Joe to begin your journey to healing and growth.

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