Seeing Eye to Eye: Improving Communication in Relationships with an ASD Spouse


In the intricate dance of love and relationships, effective communication is the linchpin that holds it all together. But when one partner in a relationship has Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), it can sometimes feel like you’re speaking different languages. Phrases like “you don’t see, hear, or understand me” may occasionally surface in such unions. In this blog post, we will delve into the experiences of the non-ASD spouse and explore how both partners can foster a deeper understanding and strengthen their connection.

Understanding Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)

To embark on this journey towards improved communication, it’s essential first to understand the fundamentals of Autism Spectrum Disorder. ASD is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects social interaction, communication, and behavior. Individuals with ASD may have unique challenges related to sensory sensitivities, non-verbal communication, and navigating social and emotional situations.

The Experience of the Non-ASD Spouse

Living with a partner on the autism spectrum can be a journey filled with love, but it can also be fraught with moments of frustration and misunderstanding. Non-ASD spouses may sometimes say, “You don’t see, hear, or understand me,” as they yearn for deeper emotional connection and mutual understanding.

Open and Honest Communication

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. To bridge the gap between partners, the non-ASD spouse should express their feelings openly and honestly, avoiding blame or criticism. Instead of resorting to phrases like “You don’t understand me,” try saying, “Let’s share our thoughts and feelings to understand each other better.”

Understanding Love Languages

Each individual expresses and experiences love differently. Learning each other’s love languages—whether it’s words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, or physical touch—can help you connect profoundly.

Addressing Sensory Sensitivities

Individuals with ASD often have heightened sensory sensitivities. To promote a conducive environment for communication, be mindful of sensory triggers and work together to create a sensory-friendly space where your partner can feel at ease.

Empathy and Patience

Building empathy is crucial in any relationship. Take the time to learn about your partner’s experiences, strengths, and challenges. Practice patience, understanding that progress may be gradual, but the effort is worth it.

Seek Professional Guidance

When communication challenges persist, consider seeking the assistance of a therapist or counselor specializing in ASD. They can offer tailored strategies to enhance your unique relationship dynamics and provide a safe space for both partners to express themselves.

Communication Rules for Couples

Here are some essential communication rules to consider:

  1. Create a Calm Environment: Minimize distractions and sensory overload during important conversations.
  2. Use Clear and Direct Language: Be explicit in your communication, avoiding vague or abstract language.
  3. Allow Processing Time: Give your partner the space and time they need to process information and respond.
  4. Visual Aids: Utilize visual aids to convey information effectively, especially for complex topics.
  5. Check for Understanding: Encourage your partner to repeat what they’ve heard to ensure mutual understanding.
  6. Active Listening: Show interest and empathy by actively listening to each other using open-ended questions to foster deeper conversations.


In a relationship where one partner has Autism Spectrum Disorder, challenges in communication may arise, but they can also be an opportunity for growth and connection. By practicing open and honest communication, learning each other’s love languages, being sensitive to sensory needs, fostering empathy and patience, and, when needed, seeking professional guidance, couples can navigate the path toward mutual understanding and a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.

Remember, love transcends all barriers, and with effort and understanding, you can build a loving and inclusive relationship of your partner’s unique experiences on the autism spectrum.

Take the first step towards a healthier, more fulfilling marriage today! If you’re experiencing challenges in your relationship and suspect that an assessment could provide clarity and guidance, don’t hesitate. Visit to schedule your assessment now. Invest in your relationship, nurture your love, and embark on a journey toward a Sizzling Hot Marriage. Your future together can be brighter, starting with this simple step. Don’t wait; take action today!

See the full list of posts on ASD in marriage.

Picture of Joe Follette, Jr., M.Div., M.S., LMFT

Joe Follette, Jr., M.Div., M.S., LMFT

Joe Follette, Jr., a licensed marriage and family therapist with over 25 years of experience, founded Lifestyle Therapy & Coaching in Huntsville, Alabama. He combines his background as a former pastor with his therapeutic expertise to help adults achieve fulfilling marriages. He works with individuals, couples, families, and more. He offers virtual therapy with programs and courses designed to treat specific challnges. Pick up a copy of his free book, "Don't Give Up On Love," to become a better you in your relationships. Joe is known for his positivity, warm personality, and commitment to helping clients live their best lives. Book a free 15-minute Clarity Call with Joe to begin your journey to healing and growth.

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