Whoever coined the phrase, “it’s not what you say, but what you do that matters,” couldn’t have said it any better. That’s because our human senses are only able to identify, recognize, and appreciate the genuineness of someone’s spoken words when they follow up with action. So, when you say “I love you” to your spouse or partner, the question of genuineness generally falls on what you actually do to substantiate that verbal expression. I’m not talking about buying gifts and spending lavishly in order to prove you love your spouse – although that’s the love language of many. What I’m talking about is a completely different viewpoint. One that focuses on the things money can’t buy. I’ve got three examples of actions indicating the existence of a genuine partner. Here’s the first one in today’s post.
#1 You Speak & Live Out The “We” And “Our” Pronouns
There’s a significant connection between the way you subconsciously process the status and future of your relationship and the way you execute the use of pronouns. For example, let’s consider the words “we” and “our.” Is that something that freely flows from your tongue when you converse with others about you and your partner, or do you find it to be a bit of a struggle? Well, research suggests that if doing that is a struggle, then your connection to your partner may not be as genuine as you might think. According to an article published on PsychologyToday.com, “[w]hen you see a couple in that relationship bubble of ‘we’. . . it’s easy to spot these couples’ trust, love, and spark.”
It is important for couples to do frequent “Check-ins”. This way you can address issues as soon as they arise – rather than allowing them to build up and create distance between you. If you or your partner finds yourself thinking more “I” than “We”, this might indicate that there are some unresolved issues between you.
Read the next week’s post for the second genuine partner test.
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Good stuff Joe.
I focus on specific words as well in my conferences and counseling. For example, the word "feel." I will say husbands must feel respected versus wives MUST respect their husbands or husbands must BE respected. I word it this way, because if I say, “Wives must respect their husbands” a wife can say, “I do respect him!” but the husband might not feel respected: https://www.scottlapierre.org/what-respect-and-disrespect-look-like-to-a-husband/. But if I say, “A husband must FEEL like his wife respects him,” it’s about how the husband FEELS and not about what the wife thinks.
Yes, Scott, it is so important to put yourself in your spouse's shoes and consider how something makes them feel. Too often we just think about ourselves and how we feel.